Let's start with a limerick:
There was a young lady named Lins
Who said "hey, sustainable wins!"
She bought coley and mackerel,
As sustainable collateral,
And the cod ended up in the bins!
Ok that wasn't festive, unless eating a mince pie while writing it counts, in which case the project report I was writing today was very festive. And don't put cod in the bin.
How about a poem?
Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house,
Not a creature was stirring, not even Lindsay's spouse (because she is still on the shelf).
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
Hoping Santa's not opposed to big curly hair.
Lindsay was nestled all snug in her bed,
While visions of gurnard danced in her head.
She'd had a long day disreputing cod,
And had crawled into bed, thinking 'Thank God'.
From outside near her car arose such a clatter,
That she sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
To the window she flew to see what was there,
Then returned with haste when she remembered she was bare.
The new vehicle parked right next to the Skoda,
Was giving off a strong and distinctive odour.
For Santa was here to grant Lindsay her wish,
And his sleigh had been drawn by eight sustainable fish!
With a big smile, filleting fish so quick,
She knew in a moment it must be St Nik.
More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
And he whistled and shouted and called them by name.
Now Coley, now Pollack, now Whiting and Pouting!
On Gurnard, on Mullet, on Flounder and Herring!
To the top of the wood pile, to the top of the wall,
Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!
Lindsay stood thinking 'This beggars belief',
And when they flew off breathed a sigh of relief.
St Nik with fresh fish is a welcome sight,
But not on a sleigh in the midst of the night!
But then from the roof she heard a great din,
The prancing and pawing of each little fin.
As she wound in her neck and was turning around,
Down the chimney St Nik came with a bound.
In fishmonger whites from his head to his foot,
His clothes were all tarnished with fish guts and soot.
A bundle of fish he had flung on his back,
And it smelled pretty strong when he opened his pack.
He spoke not a word but went straight to his work,
And filled Lindsay's stocking, then turned with a jerk.
'Whoa Nik' Lindsay said, moving quickly to stop him,
I'd love some fish thanks, but not in my stocking!
He sprang to his sleigh, to his fish gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
Lindsay heard him exclaim, 'ere he drove out of sight,
"Merry Fishmas to all, and all a good-night!"
Ah that turned out to be a bit of a Christmas ode to a fishmonger; Merry Christmas Nik and Kendal Fisheries! And if that wasn't festive enough, here is a picture of Nikki and me with our erm, Christmas sausages. Check out my hat!
The story behind the unflattering picture...It was taken recently when the Wild Oceans project journeyed to Muncaster Castle for the Taste Cumbria Christmas Festival. I was feeling pretty smug about going to this event because the rented stand space came with a fully erect market stall and thus negated the nasty necessity for me to bring our marquee (our marquee gives me rage). Hoorah. No marquee and a vat of mulled wine within slurping distance. AND we were directly opposite Santa's Grotto! Awesome. Apart from the slightly scruffy and small-looking reindeer. It turns out I am quite discerning about reindeer; the one with only one antler should not have been allowed in.
We worked with brown crab, which is simply CRABULOUS! It's landed locally at Ravenglass, but who knew?? If you ever eat crab in Cumbria, which you should, then you MUST ask if it is local, and if not, demand why not. Because this is something we are not short of and for which there are two lovely businesses, Muncaster Crab and Esk Valley Seafoods, who'd be happy to sell some in your direction. Crabs are mostly caught in pots which is a super sustainable, low impact fishing method but as we all know, size does matter - make sure your crab is at least 13cm in diameter so that you know it is a grown-up.
James Martin was also present at the show, making women swoon left, right, but not centre. Ok yes, centre too. Well he is quite nice. But no swooning for me, I only wanted him for one thing...
"James, James! Can you just hold my fish?"
(Clicking on this link is compulsory, by the way. http://www.wildlifetrusts.org/petitionfish)
